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sábado, 31 de octubre de 2009

TOP 10 DE LAS PEORES PELICULAS BASADAS EN SUPER HEROES.

POR: EL ANGRY OTAKU LAGUSIN
En algunas ocasiones esto a traído como consecuencia verdaderas delicias visuales como el caso de la película de batman de tim Burton o las mas recientes de Nolan y ni se diga la obra de arte llamada Watchmen, pero en otras ocasiones lo único que ha producido esta combinación son reverendos churros los cuales el solo verlas dan ganas de sacarte los ojos de lo pésimas que son. A continuación mencionare las 10 peores películas basadas en súper héroes:


Huge Jackman encabronado.



No. 10 X-Men Origins: Wolverine.


Para comenzar voy a poner la que a mi parecer fue la película de acción mas aburrida que jamás haya visto, y es que al ver esta película uno esperaría ver a un Wolverine furioso lleno de rabia irracional como lo que se vio en el comic de Weapon x pero en vez de eso vemos a un personaje muy blandengue el cual se la pasa media película prácticamente sin hacer nada relevante, en cuanto al villano, Victor uno esperaría que visualmente se viera como en la primer entrega de X-men, pero no aquí parece un puto vampiro de churrusculo. Ya ni comentar de la cruenta batalla entre ambos en la cual se dan de garrazos pero jamás se ve una sola gota de sangre, para el caso hubiera preferido ver un capitulo de Itchy y Scratchy (tomy y dali) donde al menos sale sangre.



Con esa misma cara de decepcion sali de ambas peliculas.


No.9 Hulk y The Incredible Hulk.

Ya se que todo mundo dira que la segunda película de Hulk se apegaba mas a laserie de televisión y que por ello es mejor, pero enlopersonal considero ambas igual de malas, la primera es pésima debido a Hulk caricaturizado que sale mas parecido a un Sherk, y ni se digan los perros Hulks o el villano que en ningún momento se supo que pintaba en la trama. En el caso de la segunda si bien el planteamiento es mas serio, la verdad es que tampoco el villano en este caso Abomination, ayuda mucho pues se vuelve malo casi por que si y todo se limita a ver a los dos monos darse de wuamasos y ya.



Tanto pinche personaje para cagar aguado.


No.8 X-men 3: The Last stand.


¿por donde empiezo? Ah si, como primera queja es que al igual que en las otras películas todo se centra en wolverine que si bien es un personaje muy popular, aquí lo ponen como la piedra angular de todo, los demás personajes son meros cameos o fan service para que digas “mira salió ese personaje” y en muchas ocasiones ni se parecían en nada a sus contrapartes impresas. Otro punto muy malo es que dark Phoenix quedo totalmente ninguneada a mera circunstancia, jamás se le presento como la poderosa entidad que es y para variar quien la venció sin ningún esfuerzo fue wolverine. Si algún día llega Galactus a la tierra wolverine lo vencerá como si nada.


Superman huyendo de los detractores de la pelicula.



No. 7 Superman 4: The Quest for Peace.

Se nota que esta película conto con un presupuesto de 5 pesos, pues los escenarios en toda ella parecían hechos en cartón pintado, para variar sale Lex Luthor como el malo malísimo ya que al parecer no existen mas villanos para Superman y por si fuera poco nos meten a un personaje llamado el hombre nuclear el cual pues ni se sabe que onda salvo que al parecer odia a Superman solo por que si.



Elektra haciendo sus ejercicios matutinos.


No. 6 Elektra.


¿Qué pasa cuando en una película donde salen ninjas, Yakuzas y sexys super heroínas en vez de meter coreografías de artes marciales al estilo matrix, perdemos media cinta viendo a la protagonista organizando su casa con fenshui? Pues que tenemos un pedazo de mierda como es Elektra.


Todos para uno y todos a la mierda.


No. 5 Fantastic Four y FantasticFour: Rise of the Silver Surfer.


En el mundo del comic los cuatro fantásticos al obtener su super poderes dedicaron sus esfuerzos a salvar al mundo en mas de una ocasión, en su versión fílmica lo único que hicieron durante mas de dos horas fue quejarse, presumir y por ultimo quejarse otro poco mas. En la primer película los vemos peleando contra ¿magneto? ….no era C3pO? No tampoco era como una mezcla de ambas llamada el Dr Doom. Ya para la segunda la extinción de la humanidad por parte de un pedo cósmico llamado Galactus era menos importante quela boda de Sue y Reed Richards.


Traje de chapopote.



No. 4 Spiderman 3.


Hay un dicho muy cierto que dice “el que mucho abarca poco aprieta y esta película es el ejemplo claro de ello, pues Sam Reimi quiso abarcar cientos de comics en un solo film de 3 horas y el resultado es mas cutre que el traje hecho de chapopote que obtiene spiderman en la película. En primer lugar tenemos muchos personajes desaprovechados como es el caso de la Gwendolin Stacy que ya ni razón tenia de ser en esta parte de la trama. En segundo lugar esta un villano tan x como es el arenero el cual mas que causar estragos se la pasa chillando toda la película. En tercer lugar tenemos al duendecito Jr el cual medio quiere mostrarse como un villano decente solo para perder la memoria al principio de la película y posteriormente recuperarla a mitad de esta y ni se diga que al final termina siendo amiguis de Spiderman en un giro argumental tan forzado como incoherente. Si todo esto no fue suficiente añade la escena de baile de Peter Parker en el club nocturno, esta escena jamás será borrada de la mente de los fans ni aun con el poder de Mephisto.


Una verdadera Batibomba.


No. 3 Batman y Robin.

No hay mejor forma de definir esta película más que como una BAti bomba….así es una Bati bomba, estamos ante un filme que es tan malo que en algunas regiones del mundo es usada como forma de castigo para reprender a los criminales. Pero veamos ¿Por qué es tan mala? Anotemos punto por punto: primero tenemos las incontables tomas a los baticulos y bati pezones y bati paquetes que constantemente aparecen. También tenemos la oscura ciudad gótica la cual tiene más luces de neón quelas vegas, a esto ni se diga la baticueva que paso de ser un lugar lúgubre a ser un antro de la zona rosa, solo faltaba ponerle música de reggeaton de fondo para tener el cuadro completo. Tenemos a Arnold interpretando a un villano tan serio como es el señor frio y lo único que obtenemos es a un Terminator haciendo chistes relacionados con el hielo. Tenemos a otra villana que en vez de ser sensual como Catwoman en la segunda película de Batman, la verdad es que parece mas un chafa travesti imitando a Shakira. Ya ni hablar de Bane que parecía botarga de la farmacia de don Simi. A todo esto añádele chistes de pastelazo y quizás la cosa que destruyo para siempre la credibilidad de las películas de súper héroes y que aun a la fecha estas franquicias lo llevan arrastrando y es la incursión de la bati tarjeta de crédito.


Con esta pelicula tendras un shaquasmo.
2.- Steel

Solo hay una cosa que tira a la mierda todo el filme y eso es Shaquil Oneil, por alguna razón en Hollywood creen que esta estrella del básquet Ball tiene dotes histriónicos ya que no es la primera vez que lo vemos en un filme, ya anteriormente apareció en Shazam la cual no hace ni reír a las hienas, y ahora lo vemos interpretando a un super héroe medianamente conocido llamado Steel el cual apareció en la época de los noventas cuando ser negro empezó a volverse cool. Solo puedo decir que cada vez que hacen un enfoque a la cara de Shaq da la impresión de que aparecerá el logotipo de una marca de dulces o refrescos. Ya ni hablare del traje de goma espuma que pretende ser una armadura o de otros detalles pues ni siquiera la termine de ver de lo mala que es.

Halle berry cagandose en el guion de la pelicula


No. 1 Cat Woman.


He notado algo curioso en Halle Berry, y esto es que sus mejores paleles son aquellos en los que apenas si tiene dos diálogos, ejemplos de ello es en la pelicula de los pica piedra en la cual es una sensual secretaria que no hace otra cosa que pasearse porla oficina meneando sus caderas y dice “Sr pica piedra” otro ejemplo es enlas películas de x-men que ahí solo dice dos o tres cosas y ya, lamentablemente cuando a esta sensual chica le toca hacer papeles que requieran mas diálogos todo se va a la mierda y un ejemplo es esta película cuya trama esta para llorar. Dato curioso es que las peores películas han sido de licencias de Dc.

144 comentarios:

Bullseye dijo...

Coincidimos en algunas... en otras diferimos totalmente...

Creo que no vimos la misma pelicula de The Incredible Hulk...

Tambien que hay peores que X-Men Origins

Luisa dijo...

Sabe qué??
a mi sí me gustó The Incredible Hulk, pero aclaro que no soy una experta en el tema.
Por las demás... pues creo que concuerdo con usted.
Pero no he visto Superman 4: The Quest for Peace, ni Elektra, ni Steel, ni Catwoman (aunque esa jamás la vería, de verdad se me hace malísima con ganas y no sé por qué, jeje).
Bueno Don Rich cuídese mucho y que le vaya bien :]

Bullseye dijo...

nu Luisilla...

yo nu escribi el Post,,,

y a mi tambien me gusto Hulk (el increible)

Attq. Richard

noticias dijo...

esa peli fue la leche

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